Happy New Year

Well. I'm baaaaaaaaa - ack!

I am grateful I don't suffer from guilt because of the months I've neglected my Beescape.

So many things have happened, let me start in the middle.

My sister lost her house. She went upside down, the Sheriff showed up with a 72 hour eviction notice and whammo, she moved in with me. More on her shortcomings later.

My co-worker has breast cancer. She's been out for months, had a mastectomy and is getting chemo treatments. I have been doing her job AND my job, in half the time, at half the rate and if she comes back in February, I have no reason to think my work will say NICE JOB, WELL DONE, THANKS for FILLING IN. I suspect they will do whatever they have to in order to save hours, cut costs and then whammo, I will be back in poor land.

I would call in sick and try to fuck them up at work but I cannot afford to lose any hours. I haven't called in sick in years.

Christmas sucked. I didn't even get to go to church.

New Years Eve seriously sucked. On NYE I broke an upper molar while I was getting ready for a party. At one pm I went looking for a dentist. By 2:30pm I was one molar lighter. I went to a guy nearby, walked in, said my co-worker went there and since we had the same insurance plan, can you help me? I have this broken molar hanging from the back of my gum, if you can help- great, if not -I will go away. They took me in, took x-rays, turns out there wasn't enough of my molar to save so short of investing $4500 on titanium implants, it would have to go. Okay, take her out! The injection in the upper palette was a bit painful. That's when the panic attack started.

The next day I woke up with my mouth glued shut from the blood. I felt like my face had been beat in with a baseball bat. If I feel like it later I will tell how it sounded being ripped from my gums and the pulpy bloody mess that used to be my molar looked sitting on the tray!

So, when I went back to work after New Year, I saw that co-worker and told him about the dentist and asked which one he saw and it turns out that the office I went to IS NOT THE SAME AS HIS! Ha ha ha. My new dentist looks like Chris Martin of Coldplay.

My mail in my mailbox was ripped open before Christmas. I was out shopping and when I returned my Christmas card envelopes were tampered with. I think someone saw a fatty enveloped with the letter from my Aunt Margie and thought it was a gift card or cash and decided to help themselves. Fuckers!

I started dating a guy who turned out to be a quasi-celebrity. He races hot rods. I wonder why he complains that people recognized him but he won't wear a shirt that does NOT say his racing team name on it. I never saw his TV show and didn't know he was some race car dude. We went out to dinner a few times and everytime he bitched about how poor he is. Being poor and cars, that IS ALL he ever talked about, EVER!! So on Dec 26th, we went to dinner at Pietro's and I asked him why he asked me out. He said, QUOTE! "I'm alone all the time. I had nothing better to do".

I stopped returning his calls. He cannot afford a ravioli plate without bitching.

I have an old fashioned TV. I got my two DTV2009 coupons in the mail and bought the converters at Walmart for $49 ($9 cost to me). So I hook it up, yeah! Picture is good but now I don't get channel 7, or more importantly, Jeopardy!

My sister, who should be saving her fucking money to move out has a flat screen plasma TV, Blue Ray DVD player and blah, blah, blah. I asked her not to bring these things into my small apartment but oh well. Fuck me and what I say. Now she wants me to get a new antenna so I can get channel 7. I said thanks but no thanks, I cannot afford it. No, no, I'll buy it, they're cheap! But I don't want it. Don't get it. NO NO NO. What does she do? She goes out and buys a new antenna that I don't want. She has a heart of gold and a brain like a fucking BB. I hate that she won't listen to me. I hate that she thinks new shoes, new pants, new DVDs, new phone, bag after bag after bag of potato chips and eating out whenever she feels like it is the best way to save MOVING money.

I am wearing the same pants from two years ago. My work shoes had holes in them before I'd replace them. I don't eat out, I buy dented cans! My cupboard looks like a food bank.

I resent that my sister makes twice as much money as me and works twice as many hours and she cannot save ten bucks a week! My utilities have more than doubled. She gets cold and turns up the heat. I get cold and put on a sweater. I have not wanted to ask for rent because I want her to move. Now it feels like I am her mom and she won't respect me or what I am trying to do to help her.

I had high hopes for this year. Now it all feels rather depressing.