March madness

How many losers does it take to screw up one month?

Two. The correct answer is two.

I know an old guy, Warren. He restores cars. I like old cars. We talk about cars. So he asked me to lunch at this run down burger joint, I met him after work. He insulted me towards the end of the meal. He asked me if I was for sale because an old friend helped me financially to repair my car Betty. Uh, having been friends ten years and because I am so likable, he wanted to help, no strings attached on account of I don't see him anymore, which Cranky Old Guy must have forgotten.

At lunch he ate breakfast, I had a chef salad. After tossing my silverware and dirty napkin on the plate, he proceeded to pick around the plate and ate ever last sliver of lettuce, carrot and hard boiled egg remnant off the plate. For God's sake, I think he would have licked the plate if I wasn't there.

Anyway, when we were talking about the price of repairs, he wanted to know if I gave backrubs or specials favors for the money. WHAT?! What are you asking me? He could tell he crossed a line. He stood up, dropped two bucks onto the table and walked out. I won't ever speak to him again, I've no reason to. I've blocked him from calling me and his new name is Cranky Old Guy. I feel sorry for him. No wonder he has very few friends, manners and value having no meaning to him.


The next day I see a guy who I call the inventor. He said let's get coffee sometime. That was Ten months ago. Him and I never went out because it turns out he is the private driver to his teenage daughter. He takes her to school, shopping, to her friend's houses, to the stable where she boards her horse, soccer practice, etc. Anyway, a month ago he tells me she has a new boyfriend. I asked, "Does this mean you'll have time for your own social life now?"

Yesterday I saw him at work and said meet me at the doughnut shop for a coffee. Okay. He comes ten minutes later. In front of me I have a coffee and a plain doughnut, which is my lunch. I ask if he wants a coffee, he declines. How about a doughnut. He reached out, took mine and ate the whole thing. Well. I guess that's what I get for offering, even if he did misunderstand. He'll never ask me out on a real date because being an inventor or a single dad doesn't pay well. Seems he cannot afford a .65 cent doughnut.

Loser two. He is the King of Losers. I met him through work, he does construction. I am repairing a quilt for him. He calls me up, on my birthday, altho he doesn't know it's my birthday, says he's in the neighborhood. I tell him where I am. He arrives. The first thing I tell him is to leave my cat alone. She bites. She is old, don't touch her. What does he do? He walks over to her, reaches out, grabs her face and says, "I know my way around pussy."

WTF? Is that supposed to be sexy? Turn me on?

Leave her alone. Stop it. Don't touch her. Quit it. Please leave her alone. She is old. She will bite you. Don't do that. She hates that. You're hurting her. She's going to bite!!

He ended up rubbing her fur backwards and shaking her by her face until she grabbed on, full claws and bit him. What a fucking asshole.

This got worse. Needless to say, he is persona non grata at my house anymore. I have worked non-stop on the quilt. It is done. I will give it back to him today and that'll be the end of that association. About Guy Who Refuses to Listen, I offered him a drink when he arrived, before he tortured the cat. I asked Coke, beer, water? He said Coke. I had a beer and after he freaked the cat out, he grabbed my beer to drink it. I could hardly wait for him to leave. Sweet Jesus, I don't need freaks like this knowing where I live.

What is it about people that makes them want to eat and drink other people's food and drinks? I never had a problem with this until this last week. From now on, I will start a crusade to teach better manners when it comes to poaching tastes.



This is the earliest Easter I can remember in a long time. I went to T's house an hour and a half late. She called around 1:30pm asking, "where are you?" Just leaving, you said 1:30. "No I didn't, you were supposed to be here at noon." Duh! That's NOT what you told me.

Here is the deal, I am seldom late and never, ever if I can help it. If something comes up and think I will end up being late, I always call to say so. You can be pretty certain and bet your bottom dollar that if I am late by more than 30 minutes and have not called, chances are I don't know when I am supposed to be somewhere.

Which makes me ask, why did she wait an hour and a half before calling me? Did they finally get hungry and not want to wait any longer.


Last Friday was my birthday. T took me to lunch. This was after Guy Who Refuses to Listen departed. We had mexican at El Torito. She bought me a lovely potted ficus and a DVD of Premonition, which I've seen.

I took it back to Target and got Cars instead. I love Cars. I've played it non-stop. One of my favorite lines in it is when Lightning McQueen and Sally Carerra are at Wheel Well and she says the reason she didn't go back to her life in the fast lane was she fell in love. He says, "Oh. Corvette?"

I wish I could meet a Vette.

French toast

French toast doesn't have to be boring. Make it exotic by putting an egg in it. Take two slices of bread. Use the end of a jar to score holes into the slices. I have a set of multi-sized biscuit cutters but was too lazy to get a chair to reach them on the top shelf of the kitchen cupboard.

Next, crack one egg per slice of toast you intend to fry. Add a teaspoon of milk and whisk.

Heat a blob of butter or margerine in a large skillet.


Take the bread and holes and soak them in the beaten egg mixture.

Carefully arrange the slices in the skillet.

Crack another egg into the center of each hole. Turn the heat up to medium and wait for the bottom of the egg white to turn white.

When the bottom is nicely browned, flip the slice.

Brown the other side of the toasts and holes.

Serve with heated syrup and enjoy.

Never eat boring french toast again.

Bon appetit.

Knowing is power

http://www.familywatchdog.us/

A friend originally sent me this URL. She was a mother of three living in a run down neighborhood. While cleaning out my computer's files, pix, jpgs and other miscellaneous, I found it stored in my bookmarks, forgotten a long time ago.

When I lived in Europe, they never disclosed the location of sex offenders because serving their time excused their debt to society and their privacy was protected. While I may not embrace the use of dramatic testimonies on the website's front page are necessary, hyperbole aside, I hope you use it to discover who's in your neighborhood.

Be safe people.

Insane drivers

7H55009 is the license for a black Tundra truck. This guy is the king of tailgating. Yesterday when I was coming home from work, I drove down Victoria Avenue. It is a beautiful street that stretches east to west through what is left of the California orange groves. The tulip magnolias are coming to the end of their blooming while the hanging wisteria near Van Buren is just starting to fill in a wall of lavender. The orange trees are getting new flowers. The almond and red buds are all covered in white, pink, dark pink, shocking pink flowers. The rose hedges are starting to bloom too. Anyway, I flicked on my blinker to pull over and let the truck go ahead of me and he actually got pissed that I slowed down to pull over. Not only is he an idiot driver, he has bad manners too. Imagine, flipping someone off for letting you go ahead. Pffts! Asshole.

5JML290 is the license plate for white Armada driven by what appeared to be a 100 lb, dark haired woman who it seems is most spectacular at multi-tasking. She can drive 60 in a 45 zone, through red lights while lighting a cigarette with a BIC in her left hand, steering with her elbow and texting on her cell phone with her right hand, all the while music was thumping so loud from her enormous SUV, that I could feel it in MY steering wheel.

5VUB716

is the license plate for a silver Acura. It was driven by what appeared to be a hispanic younger lady, who felt it was okay to cross the solid double yellow line and pass me because I was driving too slow in a 25mph construction zone OVER 4 SETS of RAILROAD TRACKS! It takes serious cajones to go over the line into oncoming traffic at a railroad crossing. The amazing thing is, when we came to a red light not a quarter of a mile further down, she was oblivious to me sitting next to her. It could be she lives on Jurupa Avenue, which is the same road the railroad track underpass is being constructed.

One morning when I was going to work, I was speeding in the slow lane and people were passing me like I was slow. I was just trying to keep up and out of the way. I wonder what these people would think if they knew I was doing 80 but my eyes work better at 55.

I have driven all over the world and CA has some of the rudest, most reckless drivers anywhere.

My stunning personality

ENTJ - The "Chief"

ENTJs are strategic, organized and possess natural leadership qualities. They are master coordinators that can effectively give direction to groups. They are able to understand complicated organizational situations and quick to develop intelligent solutions. ENTJs are outspoken and will not hesitate to speak of their plans for improvement. They are decisive and value knowledge, efficiency and competence.


Real ENTJ People

Al Gore - former American Vice President
Benny Goodman - Jazz musician
Bill Gates - Microsoft Founder
Candace Bergen - actress (Murphy Brown)
Dave Letterman - TV show host, comedian
Edward Teller - theoretical physicist
Franklin D. Roosevelt - American President
Harrison Ford - actor (Indiana Jones)
Jim Carrey - actor, comedian
Margaret Thatcher - British Prime Minister
Patrick Stewart - actor (Star Trek's "Cpt. Picard")
Richard Nixon - American President
Sigourney Weaver - actress
Steve Martin - actor, comedian
Whoopi Goldberg - actress, comedienne


ENTJ Population

Total: 3%Male: 4.5%Female: 1.5%

Primary Function Extraverted Thinking

Secondary Function Introverted Intuition

Tertiary Function Extraverted Sensing

Least Function Introverted Feeling

Bzzzz

I whistle really, really good.

I am restoring a vintage quilt.

My cat is 19 years old.

I haven't seen Cooper get walked in weeks.

I watch LOST online.

I wish I could scuba dive.

My car is red.

I wear reading glasses.

I renewed my library books over the phone today.

My shredder broke.

My stove uses natural gas.

My work days have been the same since 12/06.

In two weeks my work days are changing.

I want to go to New Zealand.


Last night at work a man said to me, "When you're not here I can miss you if I want".

It was the nicest thing anyone has said to me in months.

Random thoughts

I had Betty fixed. YEAH!! She had a misfiring number two cylinder and was running rough. Now she is a fierce, growling, well maintained 2.0 liter gutless wonder! I bet she could get up to 85mph without coughing.

Betty! Betty! Betty!

Speaking of cars. The new Smart cars are finally here and its about damn time. I see them every night when I go to work and then promptly forget about them until I drive by again. The new local showroom has four colors to choose from - black, white, red and yellow. I have not stopped in to see how much they want for these cutie pie cars but I am up close and familiar with them.

In Europe the Smart cars are displayed like a revolving watch rack, iow Swatches, stacked in glass cubes. My friend Ramon from Barcelona drives a blue Smart. There is NO trunk.

http://www.whytraveltofrance.com/images/smartcars.jpg

To comprehend just how short these cutie pie cars are, imagine parking the front tire flush with a curb. The rear end of the car won't stick out into traffic, they are that short. Basically they are as long as the width of a regular car.

One of the things I like about living in California is that men can wear white pants and not look stupid. It is an acceptable color for trousers, even if it's before Memorial Day or after Labor Day. So, neener neener! Try pulling that off in Ohio.

(Disclaimer, I have never been to Ohio, does sitting in the Cincy Airport count?)

I cleaned my kitchen windows, inside and out. They look soooooo good. I want to get some herbs and plant them under my window, something fragrant. I have a pot of Tuscan Blue Rosemary already and its gone psycho. It is three feet wide and spreading. I think I want thyme, maybe lemon.

I placed a rubber snake under my kitchen window so the stray cats won't come doo doo in my planter. Every once in awhile I move the snake. So far it works!

I have changed the triptych I want to display on my living room wall four or five times. I cannot get the combination of the frames pleasing enough. I think I need more blue photos, I am pretty heavy in the green area. I hope to have this worked out by next month. I have company coming from out of state and want my place looking fresh, tidy and artfully decorated. I can hardly wait to show off my new furniture.

I've been looking for a photo of my old friend Mike to add to my Leap Year post. I found some other interesting pix but none of Mike, so far. I'll keep looking.

Last Sat night when I was at work, a lady I've worked with every Sat for over a year told me my perfume gave her a headache. Yikes! I felt terrible and wish she'd told me about the headaches earlier. It all came out rather haltingly, her and I were working together closely on something and she said she'd do it. I said I'd help so we'd get done faster, many hands and all that. She said then I could just do it myself. I asked whattsamatter? She said she perferred to work alone. Then a nano-second later said it was the perfume. Okay. Before she departed I told her next Sat I won't wear perfume at all, that I put it on out of habit and I wish she'd said something sooner. Then she said don't bother, she doesn't like working in close proximity with anyone anyhow.

(Insert a confused what the fuck is the matter with you look right here.)

So. I am guessing she is socially defective and used my perfume as an excuse but when I was willing to oblige her and not wear any, that freaked her out and she had to say she was a working retard. Okay. I get it. This is the same woman who has told me she is glad I am there, that she is relieved she can count on me to get things done in her absence and how I am the most efficient co-worker she's ever worked with. Yeah right.

I have not called in sick since 1992 and I am never late. It is a matter of personal pride that I am reliable. Habitual tardiness is passive-agressive. Late people piss me off. In the future, I may not be as efficient as she thinks I am.

I have done something to screw up the settings on my digital camera. I used to be able to shoot around 50 to 60 pictures before my memory card filled up. I changed something and now I am lucky to get 20 and they are such huge pictures, I cannot even email them. They're like wallpaper! To make matters worse, I think it affected my telephoto ability. I cannot use my DOF option. WAAAHHHH!

The good news about this major malfunction is I have learned how to use the timer on my camera. But a lot of good that'll do me if I cannot take a long shot.


Coming soon.... poetry and recipes.