An elephant never forgets

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed his stupid ass against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

This is for all of my friends who send me those heartwarming stories.

The Washcloth

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable and smelling sweet. I threw the wash cloth in the clothes basket, crawled into some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, spead em wide, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, 'My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?' I didn't respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal ... some shopping, cleaning, cooking. After school when my 6-year-old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, 'Mommy, where's my wash cloth?' I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, 'No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it.'

Never going back to that doctor.

Ever.

Joke

The Dying Preacher

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his Lawyer (both church members), to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.

For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and Lawyer were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments.They were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.

Finally, the Lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come? "The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too.

Bottom's up

A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles per year. Another study found Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of booze a year. That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon. Kind of makes you proud to be an American.

Engineers explain cats

I suppose if I ever wanted to increase my odds of finding a smart guy, I could enroll in engineer school - the odds are good but the goods are odd. That said, I love this video by an engineer who has a sense of humor and three nice cats.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHXBL6bzAR4


When I was looking for a new place to live I called several apartments in my price range close to my work. One of the things that I thought was unfair was "Pet Rent". I fully understand first and last months rent and a security deposit in case of property damage but I never grasped pet rent.

I have a cat. She is old. Nineteen years old actually. She has roughly 36,000 miles on her, has a passport and is health certified. She is small, four pounds including hair, eats less than a cup of food per week, chucks up an occasional hairball but gives me lots of affection, in her stuck up, conditional catty way.

When I phoned about the availability of apartments and got down to the money requirements, I was told by a few places that the pet rent for my cat was an additional $25 per month. One place wanted $40 and a non-refundable $150 deposit.

Uh. Really? What for? Why? Aren't pet damages included in the security deposit? Do you charge rent per child too? No? Why not? As far as I know, my cat has never picked up a Bic lighter and burned an apartment building to the ground making dozens of people homeless. Maybe you should consider that when renting to negligent parents of beligerant kids.