From The Mexican Dictionary
Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts
Showing posts with label joke. Show all posts
Friday, December 05, 2008
Maybe its the accent
I rec'd this in an email from a mexican co-worker. I couldn't stop laughing, does that make me racist?
From The Mexican Dictionary
SHOULDER : My tia wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn ' t know how to read so I SHOULDER. COCKATOO: My friend was in the bathroom and I told him to hurry because I had to go COCKATOO! SODAS: My vieja has beeg tatas and SODAS her sister. JUICY: Hey vato, I will roll the joint, and ju tell me if JUICY the cops!!! JUAREZ: My viejita slapped me and I said JUAREZ your damn problem! TISSUE: Hey vato if you don ' t know how to do it, let me TISSUE how! HEATER: My lil sister started to choke...Perro my mom told me to HEATER in the back! BRIEF: Hey homes, my lady farted in the car and I couldn ' t BRIEF! JULY : Ju tol me ju were going to tha store and JULY to me! Julyer!!! MUSHROOM : When my familia gets in the car......There ' s not MUSHROOM left! CHEESE : I went to dis bar and some vato try to hit up on my vieja. I said ay vato CHEESE with me!! TEXAS : My pinche friend always TEXAS me with dumb jokes. WATER : My vieja gets mad and I don ' t even know WATER problem is! HERPES : Me & my ruca order some pizza, I got my piece & she got HERPES. HIGHWAY : I turned around in bed, looked at my wife and said HIGHWAY! Put some make-up on cabrona. You scared me! HORCHATA : You can keep talking your crap, HORCHATA hell up! FRITO : After arguing with the pinche policia he told me I was FRITO go!
From The Mexican Dictionary
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
The Washcloth
I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.
As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable and smelling sweet. I threw the wash cloth in the clothes basket, crawled into some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, spead em wide, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, 'My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?' I didn't respond.
After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal ... some shopping, cleaning, cooking. After school when my 6-year-old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, 'Mommy, where's my wash cloth?' I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, 'No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it.'
Never going back to that doctor.
Ever.
As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable and smelling sweet. I threw the wash cloth in the clothes basket, crawled into some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, spead em wide, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, 'My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?' I didn't respond.
After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal ... some shopping, cleaning, cooking. After school when my 6-year-old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, 'Mommy, where's my wash cloth?' I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, 'No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it.'
Never going back to that doctor.
Ever.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Joke
The Dying Preacher
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his Lawyer (both church members), to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.
For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and Lawyer were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments.They were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.
Finally, the Lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come? "The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too.
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